You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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