he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
