Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My ATM looks so different sober.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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