i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
