im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
