Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
