i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
