im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
