dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
