just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
