Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
