I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
