a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i barfeds in our rink
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
