i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
