And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
it was like eating out sand paper
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
