Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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