She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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