I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
