Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
