In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
