I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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