I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
