I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize