When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
