Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
