don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
