I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
