I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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