Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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