Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
