the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
