apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
should my penis look like a turkey
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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