have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
