Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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