proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
