I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
