remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
