What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
