i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
