yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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