you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
