the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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