A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
