Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
