It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
