never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Mom said you looked used
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
