I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
