I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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