I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
