Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
