This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
