Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
