maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
