um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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