Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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