M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
