i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
