I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
