Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
