She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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