You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
