i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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