Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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