Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
