Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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