im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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