who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
