Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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